“My family doesn’t accept me for who I am. I love them, but I feel like I can’t really be myself around them. I have to constantly hide or downplay who I am to avoid being rejected or disappointing them. I worry that maybe I’ll always feel like an outsider, and I’m not sure how to find a community where I belong.”
Spending time with family can be tough when they’re less than accepting.
It’s also a difficult decision not to share your true self with your family. Many of us know this can be its own source of pain, anxiety, and resentment as we mask our identities out of fear or knowledge that our family’s acceptance or tolerance is conditional.
You belong in this world.
You belong in community with supportive people who fully accept you and care for you. Finding that community is a journey for many of us, and you’re on your way.
Tips and Tools
Set and Maintain Clear Boundaries
We can be empowered to make decisions that prioritize our self-worth and well-being. Your feelings are completely valid if you choose not to spend time where you’re unable to be your full self or bring your partner(s). You may also decide it’s worth it – maybe to stay connected to some family members who are supportive, or to be a positive presence in the lives of kids in the family. If you choose to spend time with people who aren’t accepting of you, be prepared for how you’ll handle potentially stressful or unpleasant interactions. Don’t hesitate to take a moment outside to breathe and shake it out. If it’s helpful, decide on a time limit for your visit. There’s no minimum requirement of your time and energy. Let a close friend or two know about your visit and ask for support. Try to plan time afterward doing something you enjoy.
Community Care
Community care is all about taking care of each other. It’s about recognizing that our individual well-being is linked to the well-being of others, and of the whole community. It’s about looking out for our loved ones and neighbors, and making sure everyone is doing okay. Community care has existed in BIPOC and LGBTQ+ communities for generations. It focuses on connections, intentional actions, and efforts to mobilize people to support each other.
Community care can include:
- Checking in with someone who seems stressed or overwhelmed
- Bringing a meal to a friend who’s going through a tough time
- Supporting mutual aid efforts to provide resources or services
- Participating in a healing circle in your neighborhood to help address violence
- Helping organize a community event to bring people together
- Joining a peer support group to share with and learn from others who can relate to your experiences
You can practice community care by looking for ways you can help others, and by asking for and being open to receiving help. When we take care of each other, we create a stronger, more supportive community. When we’re part of a supportive community, we become more connected and more resilient.
